The Writer In Waiting

 I see a lot memes about how we're writing even as we sit and stare out the window, or shop at the grocery, and that's not far off.  My characters are never far from my mind even when I hit a rough patch creatively.  Right now, I have two projects that are dead in the water:  Something In The Water and First In The Dance.  If you haven't read my books, this post is about to get confusing for you.  (They are available on Amazon.  Search PJ Schmidt Stillwater Farm.) 

SITW takes place roughly 10 years after Ghosts and 45 after Seventh Son.  FITD takes place between them, roughly in the center of that timeline.  SITW hit a dead calm when I tried to tie up the story in a way that wasn't trite or totally bizarre.  My readers know I dip my toes in the supernatural, but SITW wants me to dive in head first or trot out something trite.  FITD, I think, is a casualty of real-world politics and my own mental illness.  

FITD is about AIDS in the late 1980s.  Two of my characters are slapped in the face with the realization that their promiscuity might be killing them.  The male lead is an optimistic guy and I am finding it difficult to shine a light on the good that came from that epidemic - the eventual greater acceptance of gays, primarily - when in the real world I see those in power trying to spin us back to the time when we thought everyone of variant sexuality was actively a threat. 

There are also all the loose threads that are scattered throughout the published works.  Betsy and Tonya in particular.  I'm not going to flatter myself by pretending I'm talking about hordes of readers here.  I'm pretty sure I'm not even talking double digits. But there has been curiosity about those stories. 

Tonya is a throwback to my early writings.  In High School, I teamed up with another teenage writer and we planned an entire series in which Danny Fish was a secondary, maybe even tertiary, character.  Tonya's story was tied into that - and when I wrote Ghosts I simply could not simplify things by giving Cherry a different mother.  Too much of who Danny was, who Cherry was, was tied up in that backstory.  

I pulled some stand-alone story characters out of the mothballs of my brain to populate the Fish and Stillwater family trees. Betsy is one of those. 

And then we get into the whole AI thing.  I have little doubt that the two I've published have been used to train AI - I probably agreed to that in the terms of my agreement with kdp.  I wouldn't be surprised if the bits I've shared with my Facebook groups have also been used.  That's probably part of my Facebook agreement.  

Even my silly Barbie stories on my Barbie blog are stagnating.  I hate when my muse skips town.  Waiting for the return of said muse is wearing on me.  But here I am. 

That Converse Ad

In case you've been living in a cave, I'll summarize.  Converse shoes had an ad which many black people took as a KKK reference.  The lighting effects created a "pointed hood" and a pair of dangling shoes looked like a lynching. 

Well, it turns out that the picture was part of a series.  Maybe even a video, I'm not sure.  The young woman pictured is a K-Pop celebrity.  She's wearing a white dress and standing on a simple five pointed star. (I think the intended result of that specific lighting angle was to give the star a 3-D effect.) Seeing the context, I realize this.  

But it does not change the fact that my initial reaction upon seeing the image was "someone hung themselves".  I did not realize until I looked closer that the shoes were dangling from her hand.  So yes, that single image triggered me. I took a closer look and realized that the shoes are dangling from a girl's hand.  

I don't think Converse is guilty of promoting racism or suicide.  At least not on purpose.  

But that does not mean the people who saw that as a violent image are wrong.  Art is subjective. I saw something reflecting my fears.  Blacks saw something that evoked their own collective trauma.  The shadows, I think, took our minds into a negative place.  There's something haunting about that image even once I have the context.

A Rose By Any Other Name

I'm getting a lot of stuff from the algorithm about baby names.  Which is far better than the usual stuff targeting my demographics.  Stupid anti-aging creams.  At least names are something I'm interested in.  But I digress....

Most of it is about unusual spellings and created names.  Some of them include names that have simply fallen out of use.  Which frankly speaks more to the lack of research by whoever wrote the article/list than it does about the layman who bestows the name on the child.  

****

To use an example from my own life: My grandmother was Lura.  She went to her grave believing a couple of  Lauras running around were named after her.  The only time it was a problem was when she got a new store credit card with Laura on it.  We had to speak to a supervisor to get it fixed, because the customer service guy insisted we were wrong and/or she should change her name. 

But in truth, the names are not related.  One is Germanic and one is Latin.  One refers to the mermaids of the Rhine and the other to a type of tree.  These articles like to claim Lura is a new variant of Laura.  

*****

There's a phrase I see a lot: This name is a Trajedeigh.  It's mostly about creative spelling, so I'll focus on that first.  I take no issue with creative spellings as long as I can still tell how the name is pronounced.  Ashley can be Ashleigh or Ashlee.  Both spellings are phonetically sound and the first is based on the traditionally female Leigh. My own name has several standard spellings.  

Trajedeigh is also about a rumored trend of people naming kids words they like the sound of, but do not know the meaning of.  Things like Chlamydia.  (Why is anyone using a word they don't know the meaning of? I can't even deal with not knowing what a word played in Scrabble means.  But I digress...)  I know and even previously blogged about how people rarely choose a name for its traditional meaning.  "I just like the sound of it" is even a valid reason in my book.  BUT... this is why we tell our loved ones what names we're considering.  So someone can warn us off.  

*****

Another theme I see a lot of is the theft of a name.  Sometimes it's pretty egregious... Sister-in-law is eight month pregnant with a girl she has always planned to name Henrietta, so I have a girl and name mine Henrietta.  Or adopt a pet and name it Henrietta.  But often it isn't a theft at all.  Suppose Henrietta is named after Grandma... and both mothers were keeping the name as a surprise.... 

Intent is important.  When I was in my early teens, I announced to my family what I intended to name my children.  Everyone knew Artemis and Tanner were my names.  If anyone in my family had used either of those names without at least talking to me about it, that would have been a name theft.  As it is, now I keep hoping someone will "steal" them.

*****

Race and Religion all play a role in the naming of children.  Those get ignored a lot in the articles that spawned this blog post.  I've seen the author called out on more than one for dissing traditional naming practices... again, that goes back to the author's lack of research.  Sometimes I think I put more research into these blog posts than these professionals are putting into their work. 

But I digress... 

***** 

My primary suggestion is to share your name choice before birth, if only with trusted friends.  They will give you a heads-up on the following possible issues:  Short forms, nicknames, availability on souvenirs, variant spellings, pop culture associations, and many more. 

Oh, and think twice before calling her by her middle name.  Explaining that becomes tedious real fast. 

Life In The Struggle

 Maybe I'll end up deleting this without posting.  Maybe I won't.  I have warring feelings about it.

My demon has really been rattling her cage lately.  I'm not sleeping well.  My writing has stuttered to a halt.  So... 

****

The second Trump Administration has Sybrie The Tenth (said demon)  all riled up.  Everything they do seems like an attack aimed directly at me.  Well, not me personally, but most of my demographics.  Cuts to the federal programs I depend on to allow me a measure of independence. (I know that's an oxymoron, but deal with it.)  Social Security is probably safe - most politicians know that would be career suicide - but my apartment is HUD/Section Eight.  My Medicare (thru SS) is supplemented by Medicaid and Food Stamps, both of which have already been meddled with.  Every time I pick up my prescriptions, the total cost is different.  Not by a huge amount but enough to bother me.  Since I'm disabled, I don't have to put in work hours to "earn" my benefits.  Yet.  Talk of denying Food Stamp recipients things like soda pop and candy bars only bother me in principle - I do a pretty good job of focusing on healthier options.  But every now and then I do like a treat. 

I'm also one of those "childless cat ladies" who "want to make the rest of the country miserable, too".  Sort of... none of my minions are legally or biologically my offspring and my apartment lease precludes  pets.  

Y'all know I'm aggressively nonpartisan (antipartisan?) because I got loved ones all over the political spectrum.  I do avoid the fanatics.  Same with religion.

****

I recently learned that my antidepressant makes me less tolerant of heat.  I figured it was just my age and weight getting to me.  But no, the very medicine I credit with giving me the last 30 years and relative sanity is keeping me inside the air conditioning.  Which aggravates my sinusitis.  YAY another medical issue conflict.  

When I fell a couple winters ago, the ER doc diagnosed arthritis in my knee.  I suspect I have it in the other knee and my assorted old injuries.  Self-diagnosed carpal tunnel and tennis elbow. Nothing horrible, honestly, just an assortment of aches and pains.

I eat reasonably well, but could stand to exercise more.  In the words of my doctor, one of my diabetes medications "keeps the weight on".  We tried changing it but I did not react well to the new option.  I do walk when conditions permit and enjoy a stroll through the woods. Not a hike, a stroll.

****

Social contact, even just with the cashier in a store, gives me some sense of mattering.  I do exist!  I stay active on Facebook, keep in touch with friends and family that way or via telephone.  So I'm not isolated even if I feel that way sometimes.  Like when outside conditions keep me inside my hidey-hole.

I think I will go ahead and post this.  Even if it does look like "Boohoo feel sorry for me", maybe it will help someone out there.  I know getting it off my chest has helped me. 

Maybe We Should

 Psychology tells us that humans respond better to praise than to criticism.  So why have I been told, more than once, that I shouldn't expect thanks for doing what I'm supposed to do?

Some of it is our human predilection to take things and people for granted. It's easy to forget how much work our loved ones put into their chores, their commitments, and to assume they know we appreciate it.  It's easy for us to forget we appreciate it!

We praise our little ones for picking up after themselves, but stop at some point because now they know what to do.  We thank people for going out of their way for us, but not for the day-to-day stuff.  When was the last time a member of your household was thanked for doing dishes or taking out the trash?

If you pick up litter day after day and no one steps in to help, no one says thanks, and maybe even they toss trash around willy-nilly because they know you'll pick it up.. you get tired of it.  You become discouraged.  You stop doing it.  Imagine how long you could go on with positive reinforcement.

How much employment burnout would we relieve? How much teen rebellion is based on the notion that we only notice them when they misbehave?  For that matter, how many suicides could be prevented?

Should we praise positive behaviors as well as (or even instead of) punishing negative ones?  Maybe we should.  

Maybe we should.

Another One "Gone Woke" That Already Was

 

I recently visited the home of Laura Ingalls Wilder in Mansfield, Missouri.  Where she wrote the Little House books that made her famous.  I'm sure my older sisters read those books to me until I was able to read on my own.

I remember when they made a TV show based on the books.  I remember being disappointed that TV Pa had no beard.  Growing up with the books, Pa's entire description was beard and blue eyes.  But I let that go.  Even as a child, I understood about compromise. (How could I not?  I had seven siblings!)

As it happened, Pa's facial hair was the least of the changes.  On a previous visit to Rocky Ridge, at some point in my twenties, I spent most of the time saying things like "that person did not exist" and "that didn't happen that way" to a TV-show fan.

That said, the television show clung to the values of the books.  Even the books were altered from historical fact.  Laura's recollections were rearranged to fit a juvenile fiction format, but she accepted that as long as her deeper truths, her values, remained.

I did post previously about the Laura Ingalls Wilder award for children's literature getting a name change, because of things in the books that are racist by today's standards.  Negro and Indian, in her time, were not racial slurs.  The minstrel show in a later book was a common event for the time. 

The entire family's lives are saved early on by a black man (historical documents tell us he was Dr. George Tann) and the Ingalls family demonstrates compassion for the Osage of Kansas even as Ma fears them.  When the old Indian warns the citizens of De Smet about the deadly winter storms of 1880-1881, his knowledge is respected.  

There have been countless other LIW projects. But the books and TV show are the benchmarks. 

Netflix is producing a new show based on the books.  The town is Independence, Kansas, which lines up with the third book in the series.  The actresses playing Laura and Mary are eleven and fourteen, which closer to the fifth book.  Carrie doesn't seem to exist, which lines up with none of the books.  Dr George Tann exists, consistent with book three.  So already they've shattered any continuity with reality or the books' timeline.  

As for the values that Laura insisted upon?  People are complaining that the show's "gone woke".  How dare they push pretty much the same values Laura did, that Michael Landon did!  The details of the Ingalls' history may be distorted, but the values look to be holding and I see nothing historically inaccurate in the broad strokes.

I gotta laugh so I don't cry.  Or get angrier than is good for me. 

Professionalism in Politics

 It wasn't all that long ago that Americans were freaking out over the POTUS wearing a tan suit.  Cries across the land of "unpresidential" "unprofessional" and even "tacky" echoed from the purple mountain majesties and the fruited plain.  

Maybe it's because I'm nonpartisan, I saw nothing wrong with the tan suit.  I thought it made a nice change from the usual navy or black, a bit of individuality in a cookie-cutter profession, but ultimately I'm more invested the the POTUS's policies and character.   

Today I'm sure I'm not the only one wishing for the tan suit scandal. Not because of how the current POTUS dresses, but because of how he and many of our elected officials are behaving.  I'm not talking about what these people say and do in private, or even in a casual public moment.  I'm talking about official communications (and yes, that includes the social media of any given office.)  

Partisans are quick to point out that the other party forced a dementia patient onto us.  Some nonpartisans suspect said patients were put into place by "handlers".  But dementia is not so much a question of professionalism as it is a question of capability.   So I'm going to ignore that question. 

It upsets me that two of the most common current political catchphrases -- ones used by professionals -- are FJB and FDT.  Imagine walking into a job interview and saying that about the other applicants.  Imagine telling the interviewer mean things about the previous holders of the position.  Smear campaigns used to be the most unprofessional thing they did... not any more. 

Politics has always been an ugly thing.  But up until 2016 (yes, I'm beating that dead horse again) everyone put on their company manners.  Profanity, especially words that get bleeped on TV, would be career suicide.  But now... slogans like FDT and FJB are shouted in the streets.  

I don't want a POTUS who looks like he just mowed the lawn, but I'd prefer that to one who acts and sounds like a frat boy.  Or something worse.  

Artificial Intelligence

 I joke about my aversion to AI.  I say things like "I've seen Terminator".  That's an extreme take on the situation.  It's unlikely that things will ever reach that point.  But I said the same thing about Donald Trump doing the very things he is now doing.  Make of that what you will.

Anyway, my aversion to AI is based more on the misuse of the tool and the environmental impact.  We aren't curing cancer, we're making cute little cartoons of ourselves and videos of Barbie committing arson.  We already have tools to do those things!  Tools that do not autonomously commit plagiarism and taint ground water! 

When AI gets a prompt, say "write a children's book, with illustrations, about divorce", what it does is look through its database and steal bits and pieces of copyrighted works and smush them together.  And I'm not even going to get into the data-mining it does on the prompter.  It can lead to misinformation because AI does not fact check.  

Not to mention that the purported author has poured none of their blood, sweat, and tears into the work.  Literally or otherwise.  This applies to all art forms and homework.  

The processors generate a lot of heat and are usually water-cooled.  The water picks up contaminants and is then released, thus sharing them with the world.  If it is possible to use a closed system for cooling - some sources say it is not - the companies that operate the AI don't use them.  Because they cost more.  We're tainting our water supply so we can giggle at bunnies on a trampoline. 

I freely admit to being something of a Luddite.  I worry that we humans depend on it too much. And it's hard to detect the line between Photoshop and "make a picture of Aunt Suzie in Rome".  One has, after all, grown from the other.  But art is a uniquely human thing.  Better to use this technology for science.  Creating an affordable closed system for cooling the processors would be an excellent start. Then march into the battle against incurable disease.  

Snow and ICE

I'm one of the many people living in the path of Winter Storm Fern.  That name makes me picture the little girl from Charlotte's Web merged with Old Man Winter.  Which is funny.  The rest of it, not so much. Most of the worrying I see people doing has to do with snow.  How many inches of snow are we getting?  Get the plows out onto the roads.  

I'm concerned about power outages.  I have food that doesn't need cooked.  I have means of communication with the outside world, at least for a while. I have plenty to do, even after the computer battery dies, given my plethora of books and Barbies.  But the temperature outside is 19F.  Without my furnace, it would get really cold in here really fast. That scares me.

Oh, I've got places I can go (provided they have power).  I've got a million blankets I can pile on the bed and burrow into.  I've got ointments and ibuprofen for my aching joints.  But I do not do well with temperature extremes and these are forecast to stick around for at least a week.  I'd rather have six feet of snow.  

****

Also on my mind is ICE.  Immigration and Customs Enforcement.  We've all seen the news, so I won't rehash it here.  Except to summarize the problem: This agency, which did its job within the law during previous administrations, has become a threat to life and liberty.  I've been quite vocal for the past year, educating people about Due Process and how it is not just for citizens and/or legal immigrants.  The Constitution is clear.

This is not just my opinion, as I've been told.  The Supreme Court has spoken on the subject.  Besides, it's just plain common sense.  Due Process is how they find out if you're in the country legally.  

I have at least one family member who has taken to keeping their birth certificate on them at all times.  Proof of citizenship.  I worry that ICE will not let them show the paper, or will declare it a forgery.  (Show us your papers, you runaway slave.)  I worry that if they reach for the papers, they'll get killed. (We thought they were going for a gun.) 

I also have family members who defend ICE's overreach. I blocked one of them on FB because I am many things, but I am not "clueless" or "stupid". The most ridiculous is the fact that I've explained Due Process repeatedly to a veteran, a man that took an oath to defend the Constitution. 

 

Marketing vs Mental Health

 I've been seeing a lot lately on Facebook about how to market my books.  There are even posts from a group for those of us who published via kdp.  A few years ago, before I was even published, I was scolded for weeding out my FB friends list because, as a writer, my first priority should always be getting readers.  

My mental health is my priority.  I weed out my FB friends periodically because it becomes overwhelming.  After the incident mentioned (and other accusations of bidding for attention) I no longer give a heads-up.  The boundary remains and if someone wants to get upset about it, that's on them.

I don't want book sales if I have to hector people into it. I feel like I'm running up to people in the street and screaming "buy my books" in their faces.  I do occasionally share a picture on Facebook with a playful caption.  

I published via kdp to avoid rejection, frankly, especially after seeing some of the garbage "real" publishers are putting out there.  I do not cope well with being told I'm less capable than people writing about physically impossible interactions, be they romantic or violent.

There's also the problem of the gatekeepers.  The bulk of my characters are Cherokee.  Some of them are gay.  I've been told I've no right to this muse because I'm straight and white.  (I do have a previous blog post about this if you'd like to read it.  I think the title is "You Can't Write That".) 

I have to pay for my own copies of these books.  I was not sent a truckload of free copies to give away or sell in a local market.  That's simply not how kdp does business.  They don't even print until they get an order for a paperback version.  Most of the sales are digital.  Therefore, unless some windfall comes my way, I won't be setting up a sales booth at a local event.  

I love writing.  I love my stories.  But even more than that, I love the little girl inside me who is still learning that she deserves happiness.  That she is a good person despite what others say.  I won't risk her for the sake of sales.  

Anyway... if you're interested... search Amazon for PJ Schmidt Stillwater Farm.  Titles are "Seventh Son" and "Ghosts".  It's listed as a series, but either one can stand on its own.  Thanks for listening. 

Traditional Values

I've been watching a lot of The Waltons and Little House on the Prairie lately.  Then I saw something about someone (Netflix?) rebooting Little House and, of course, there they were... the pearl-clutching army in the comments worried about THE WOKE AGENDA is gonna ruin it.  

I got news for y'all.  If this happens, and you don't like it, nobody says you have to watch.  I stopped watching the original TV show when they decided to divert from the "facts" of the books.  Mary never married and Albert didn't exist.  That's how you deal with offensive TV shows.  

Anyway, that got me to thinking about the question of how these wholesome shows might have handled certain topics. 

 I realized Little House did handle a lot of the topics.  Mary's blindness gave them the vehicle to show that the disabled are not so different from the abled.  They brought in nonwhites from time to time and, again, focused on the similarities more than the differences. Nellie married a nice Jewish boy.  I have come to the conclusion that, given the limitations of television in the 70s and 80s, that Little House is yet another example of something that was WOKE all along.  

I don't recall a lot of the specific storylines on The Waltons.  But in recent viewings, I saw Elizabeth deal with possibly being paralyzed and an attempt to heal her by a "gypsy".  The Waltons are friendly with a "colored" family.  Well damn, that's some DEI stuff right there!  

All of this led me to wonder how these shows would handle certain other topics.  

Homosexuality:  The Waltons made it a point to be historically accurate, but I guess they could have a couple of "confirmed bachelors" or "old maids" sharing a home.  Maybe they did and I just don't remember. Maybe the Baldwin sisters weren't really sisters!  Little House would probably take a similar route, but given the pattern of that show, it'd be some stranger who wanders into town just long enough to confess the deep dark secret to an Ingalls.  

Interracial Marriage: Maybe one of the Walton boys could bring home a Japanese bride after WW2.  Maybe some local natives want to court the citizens of Walnut Grove.  But I can't see how a black/white pairing would work without destroying any semblance of historical accuracy.  One takes place not long after the Civil War.  One takes place in the American South.  Both predate the Civil Rights Movement. 

Transgenderism: This would be handled much like homosexuality.  (The girl-disguised-as-boy-for-protection trope does not count here!)  Little House's setting could set up an Albert Cashier type scenario. Albert Cashier Hell, maybe Grandpa Walton served with an Albert Cashier... when did the military actually start examining recruits? 

Which leads me to why I gave this blog post the title I did.  Often when we hear about traditional values, it's people raving against the sort of things I just mentioned, but considering how these topics could have worked in the shows... some of our traditional values aren't bad.  

These fictions reflect the world as it once was.  Did Olivia Walton or Caroline Ingalls bother much about what the neighbors did in the bedroom?  Did Charles Ingalls and John Walton assume the the new guy in town was female because he had no beard?  I don't think so... not unless they were hurting people.  These are traditional values - if a person is harmless, what they do is none of my business. 

But maybe I'm just pushing that woke agenda. 

 

No Kings Day

 The situation here - my personal situation - has held steady.  My SSDI hasn't been interrupted, thank all the gods ever.  My food stamps and Medicare/Medicaid haven't changed, but I worry more the longer this goes on.  My area is rife with food pantries.  But not so much Prozac and Metformin pantries.  So I worry more about the meds. 

It's becoming more and more difficult to remain nonpartisan.  MAGA has weaponized the party division even worse than the 2016 election meddling did.  I always hoped, believed, that the Elected would eschew partisanship to fight a blatant abuse of power.  A few of them have and I applaud them.  But far too many of the Republicans are sitting on their hands.  

Most man-on-the-street Republicans are not okay with things as they are.  Nobody I know (or at least nobody I respect) voted for Trump because they hate immigrants.  I suspect gas and grocery prices had a lot to do with it.  Many people blamed Biden for the post-pandemic inflation that the whole world is dealing with.  People vote what they think is best for "me-and-mine".  They expect our checks and balances to, ya know, check and balance. 

The government is in shutdown as I write this.  Both parties are more focused on their own agendas than on what needs to be done. (Nothing new there, but I digress.)  Federal employees, including but not limited to the military, are either going without pay or facing that possibility.  On what planet is this preferable to giving a medical care to non-citizens?  

Today people all over the world are holding No Kings rallies.  Protests about the overreach and abuse of power by the current POTUS.  I have chosen not to participate, mostly due to my crowd phobia and the distance I'd have to drive to find one, but my heart is with them.  And I honestly think we'd be surprised how many of those protestors voted for Donald Trump.  

People who voted for him are now suffering from his policies.  Those who opposed him from the start are gloating! This is not cool.  No one deserves to be screwed out of their livelihood by a person they trusted. They put their trust in the wrong man (or men, considering the failure of the legislative wing to stop this), and now they need compassion.  Now they need to be shown forgiveness for their error.  

We The People can get through this.  But not by continuing this partisan bickering. Certainly not by assuming that, because I'm from a certain demographic, that you know how I voted. Some of those farmers losing their homes voted Harris or third parties or maybe didn't vote at all.  Just give each other a break, benefit of the doubt, and be kind.  Stand together with your fellow Americans.  Hell, with your fellow earthlings.  

  

State of Unrest

That title could apply to the political situation, in which I see little glimmers of hope.  Some of the state governors are standing up to the federal government's overreach.  Most of them are, of course, members of THE OTHER PARTY, but we gotta start somewhere. 

My dreams have had a recurring theme for a while now, that of moving into or cleaning out a hoarder house.  A sure sign of my dissatisfaction with my current domicile situation.  There are, of course, the issues you get in any apartment building.  The air flow in individual units sucks.  Some of the close neighbors are inconsiderate.  No private yard.  But all told, and compared to previous homes, it is good. 

The hoarder house part intrigues me.  In part, I can blame a certain YouTube channel, which frequently buys such homes or the contents of such homes and takes me along on the exploration.  In one such home, he found artwork worth more than he paid for the entire house!  Both of my parents were hoarders to a degree.  My father because he grew up on a farm and survived the Great Depression and my mother because she had a plethora of untreated mental issues.  I declutter regularly to avoid leaving that kind of mess for my heirs. 

Flipping houses interests me.  The notion of turning a place that's been used and abused back into a viable home really appeals to me.  In a way, it would feel like healing the house.  But in the dreams, I have to empty the house before I can flip it. (It just occurred to me that part of the healing process is removing or rearranging stuff. Especially if the wound has been festering for a while.)  

I get like this from time to time.  Probably soon I will whack off my long hair and rearrange the furniture.  But this time it feels different.  Maybe because I'm no longer playing with Publishers Clearing House.  Funny how much comfort I've always taken from that long shot.  We gotta have dreams or the bastards really will grind us down. 

Anyway... thanks for joining me on this little journey inside my head.  See ya next time. 

Still Scared - And Now Angry

 My situation has changed for the better since my "I'm Scared" post.  My loan is now paid off, which means I'll have a bit of a financial cushion if the government turns on me specifically.  I still hold out hope that the checks and balances will check and balance this mess. They just need to hurry up.  

I really don't want to jump on the Hitler/Nazi bandwagon.  Even now, with what's going on, it seems too much like hyperbole even for me.  But the historical and cultural parallels are there.  If you're an informed reader, you know what I refer to.  If you're willfully ignorant or choosing hatred, nothing I say can change your mind.  I won't dwell on it beyond this:  I have loved ones I fear for.  

I've had to block a sibling on Facebook because every time I opine on the political climate, I get told I'm stupid.  I am a great many things but stupid is not one of them.  However, my family situation has never been the healthiest, and he doesn't know me very well, so I can understand why he assumes I'm lacking brainpower.  

I'm contacting my senators and representatives regularly, expressing my doubts as to the fitness of POTUS.  I'm amazed at how many Americans, even veterans, think Due Process is only for citizens.  

The Polarization is returning rapidly to 2016 levels of Us vs Them.  If you start a conversation or discussion with me by asking how I voted, I will refuse to answer the question.  My opinions and my actions speak more of what I am.  

I am, once again - or maybe still, sick of living in the Divided States of America.  

Arcane by Nonni Lumen

I picked up this book at a Rummage Sale.  It says it's "a true account of ongoing paranormal Phenomena".  I found the business card for a local B&B inside.  Since the book is set in rural Ohio, I wondered if there might be a connection.  As I struggled through, it became pretty obvious that this book is, in fact, about the B&B on the card. Unless there's some other B&B a mile from one town and 8 miles from the one it has the zip code of, near Swings Corner-Point Isabel Road, in rural Ohio. 

I say I struggled and that's no exaggeration.  The author occasionally uses the wrong word for one that's spelled similar.  (Gall/gull being my favorite.   I can't believe she had the seabird to publish this.)  The real obstacle is punctuation.  She randomly sprinkles semi-colons throughout.  At one point she quotes the Bible and her semicolon completely changes the meaning.  This change contradicts the point she's making.  

She references often her NDE (near death experience) but doesn't explain that until chapter ten. The first half of most chapters is list of words and definitions, specific to the author's belief system.  The timeline jumps around like a bunny rabbit on crack.  

****

Here's the story summary: We bought land to build a B&B on.  It is haunted by victims of the KKK and of witches. There is a demon infestation, including but not limited to Lillith herself.  At the end of the book, all is not well and a second book is promised.  Not even good fiction, frankly, and it claims to be true.

Meanwhile, she is moving her family into this place.  For more than a decade she moves family members in and out of the demon-infested B&B.  She is renting rooms to strangers.   She brings in priests to bless the place and there's even confusing mentions of an exorcism.  None of the sacraments have a permanent effect. 

Her son-in-law is possessed by one of the demons and/or his mom cursed the marriage because she's a witch. A nearby shop with a black-flamed candle on the sign is run by a coven which curses the author herself.   Any symbolism not specifically Christian is demonic.  

The area is racist and antipapist and antisemitic.  We're talking caricature levels of yeehaw rednecks. No one she asks for information on her property tell her anything, but one told her there was a mill there once.  She never contacts county offices for access to public records on the land.  Yet she somehow learns that this mill was operated by the KKK as a front for lynching people.  Whites on one tree and Blacks on another.

Swings Corner-Point Isabel road is not named for the two communities it once connected, but for a hanging tree and one of the B&B ghosts.  The word picnic is not derived from eighteenth century France, but from the lynching term "pick a nig".  

**** 

The writer in me is repelled.  This book is badly written by any definition.  

The Bethel Girl in me is enraged at her character assassination of the population. 

Oh, and the second book has not appeared.

Money for Babies

One of the reasons I was bullied in junior high?  We were Welfare People.  Why else would anyone have seven kids in the space of a decade?  The more babies you have, the more money Welfare gives you. The truth of the matter? My father was Catholic.  Birth Control was against his religion.  There were other Catholic families around, with a house full, and I honestly can't say if they got this treatment as well or if I was just an easy target. 

As an adult, I worked in stores and restaurants.  My coworkers were prone to making the same assumption about any woman with many children, especially if she was anything less than a fashionista.  Even the coworkers who got government help to supplement their meager income, or the ones who had a house full of kids themselves.  

I never had children, but was often seen with minions in tow.  I once had to stop my grandmother from "boxing his ears" when a man in the grocery store said something snide to us.  He saw an old lady, a young woman, a teenager, a preteen, and two smaller children shopping.  He jumped to the Welfare Mom assumption.  

I'd be a liar if I claimed I never used government assistance.  Hell, the name of this blog comes from the fact that I'm on SSDI and Food Stamps.  I'd also be a liar if I claimed I've never known a woman who gave birth for more benefits, or who simply accepted that if she couldn't support her surprise baby, she could get Welfare.  

I am in no way shape or form standing in judgement of Welfare Moms.  What I am saying is that for my entire life THEY taught me that "having babies for government money" is a vile thing to do.  But now there's talk of stimulating the declining American birth rate by... wait for it...  paying people to reproduce.  With government money.  

The dichotomy blows my mind, especially since it's coming from the same people who refer to "the parasite class".  What is the difference?  Anyone who thinks it's okay to cut every birthing mother in America a check needs to reconsider how they feel about Welfare Mom.  

I'm Scared

 I'm aggressively nonpartisan, as most of you know.  I've got loved ones all over the political spectrum and my feelings about most issues fall somewhere in the middle of the two-party divide.  I have a lot of faith in the checks and balances built into the fabric of our government.  I don't think the havoc currently being wrought is a permanent thing.  

But I'm scared.  I depend on SSDI, Medicare, and Medicaid.  My apartment is HUD.  Even a temporary hiccup in the system could destroy my world.  Large expenses are put off and the money socked away just in case.  Most of my family is willing and able to help me if needed.  But dammit I don't want to need their help.

I do not think Social Security or Medicare are in danger.  Too many politicians on all sides know that would be career suicide.  But what about Medicaid?  HUD?  We already have planes falling out of the sky, possibly because of slashes to FAA.  NPS is barely going to be able to keep parks open (and those generate a lot more money than they cost).  

I try to focus on the good, to look for the helpers (as Mr. Rogers suggests), but my demon is SO rattling her cage.  There is governmental resistance to the overreach by the current POTUS.  Even Americans who are okay with the rights of others being trampled will switch sides real quick when they or theirs is threatened.  We will get through this.  I just hope it's soon and with minimal harm to me and mine. Yeah, I'm selfish, sue me. 

Of Hurricanes and Hatred

 I'm gonna start this by reminding my readers that I am aggressively nonpartisan.  I vote for those I feel are best qualified to do the job I want done, regardless of what letter appears behind their name in parentheses.  I vote for third party candidates when one meets my criteria and loathe the fact that we're brainwashed by the two-party system.  

That said... The very idea of a hurricane in the Smokies boggles the mind.  But Helene has taken out a huge chunk of western North Carolina and a good sized bit of Tennessee.  I honestly believe the Smokies saved the rest of eastern Tennessee.  To put it very simply, the hurricane bounced off them hills!  

My Facebook feed is full of Helpers.  It does my little black heart good, just like the plethora of food pantries during the pandemic.  Civilian groups, state and local agencies, even just Jim-Bob next door are pouring into the area from all over the country.  And even from outside the country! 

Dolly Parton donated money to the cause, and I wouldn't be surprised if she's out there in her civvies handing out food and water.  (It's not like we'd recognize her!)  Other celebrities have followed her lead, but as usual when people are in need, Dolly led the pack.  

But FEMA has dropped the ball, or at least fumbled it a little.  Internal agency issues, budgeting, and paperwork gets in the way of a quick response by any federal agency.  It simply doesn't matter at this point who shortchanged FEMA this time, because it's been getting ripped off as long as it has existed.  Disaster victims are less important than a pet special interest group.   

In all the news reports, in all the Facebook posts, I've seen nothing to support claims that FEMA isn't letting people in.  Because I've yet to see any vehicles that say FEMA on them.  If the National Guard units and local law enforcement are trying to stop you from getting in there, odds are that you simply are not qualified to do anything more than endanger yourself and others.  Go home, stay out of the way, and let them work.

This disaster is not the fault of FEMA, of any political party, and certainly not of any given individual.  The very idea of a "weather control device" defies the laws of physics.  Yes, it is possible to affect the weather by seeding clouds and such, but no one can drive a hurricane or tornado around like it's a 56 Buick.

And honestly, at this point, I'm looking sideways at those of you pointing the finger of blame.  I'm wondering if you'd leave some hillbilly stranded because he was or wasn't wearing a MAGA hat.  Shame on all of you.  

Not You

There's an idiosyncrasy among us humans that both amuses and annoys me.  I usually refer it it as "it's okay if my party does it" because the most egregious examples I see are among political partisans.  Don't vote for Bob because he did the same thing you excuse Bill doing.  But it's not just politics.  

I caught myself doing it the other day.  In my apartment complex, there are residents with non-working vehicles.  Said residents do nothing to fix or remove the vehicles, thus taking up parking spots better used by those of us with working vehicles.  I'm not talking broken down for a day or even a week, I'm talking months.  I could plant a crop on the van out there.   Yet even as I grumble and gripe, I make excuses for one of those residents.  Because I like him.  I don't like or know the others.  

I've been told anyone on government benefits is morally repulsive and then given a pass when I mention my own dependence on SSDI.  I was in a store yesterday and realized that, if I hadn't been standing there to see the cashier's efforts to fix the register (it was having a nervous breakdown over a check), I'd be grumbling like all the people in line behind me.  

We all do it, especially if we actively dislike the person in question.  I had a million examples in mind but, of course, most of them jumped out of my head as soon as I started typing.  I guess it's just human nature.  We have more compassion for those we know and/or like.  

Maybe it's a defense mechanism.  We simply are not capable of loving some stranger across the world as strongly as we do our friends and family.  Either way, it's been on my mind and I blogged about it because that's what I do.  

 

Bears In The Woods

 I really did try not to hop on this bandwagon.  And I'm not hopping on for the reasons many might think.

In case you've been in a cave or on a desert island... someone made a video asking women who they would rather run into if alone in the woods - a man or a bear.  Most of the women replied that they'd prefer the bear.  Reasons given included wildlife's natural inclination to leave you alone if you leave them alone and the fact that a bear will only maul or kill you.  (Bear ain't gonna hold you hostage and do unspeakable things to you.)

My first response was bear because if I'm out in the woods, I'm hoping to see some wildlife.  

Yes, demographics support the point the video was making.  I am not disputing this.  I'm not even going to trot out my "not even most" logic (see previous blog post titled the same) to defend the men.  The women who chose the bear had valid reasons.

I've not seen the video in question, but I'm willing to bet it is edited.  Selectively edited.  I could splice together a video "proving" all my siblings like me best by questioning each of them, then taking out everything that contradicts my claim.  So... how many women chose the man and were edited out?  

The scenario that came to my mind was one I've been in many times:  Hiking a trail and falling behind my group because they are all younger and healthier.  (I'm not foolish enough to go alone very far into any woods a bear might pop out of.)  So even if the bear or the man behaved in a threatening manner, I'd have a weapon - my hiking stick - and others nearby to help me.  

What I find interesting is the number of people who, when given a third option, choose a woman.  That's seated in gender roles, which would require a whole other blog post.  I'd still choose the bear if coming from a place of fear. Humans are  more to be feared than any animal.  Even Cujo and Cocaine Bear were honest about their intentions.  

It's not so much a condemnation of men as it is of society.  I understand choosing the bear because if it mauls me, even if I was trying to take a selfie with the bear's cubs, everyone will blame the bear.  That does not happen enough when a man attacks a woman.