Bullying, Again

I pontificated before about the bullying problem and what I think should be done about it.  This one is for the kids.  Not the victims, not the bullies.  The other kids.  The ones who aren't sure what to do or how to do it.  The ones who will say "I didn't do anything to him."

I'm speaking from my own experience as a bullied junior high schooler.  Strange as it may seem, one of the kindest things a classmate ever did for me was a note.  It said "Please don't tell anyone because I don't want to be picked on, too.  I like you.  I think you are nice." With her signature.  I've never forgotten that.  That girl reached out to me the only way she felt she could.

A couple of other girls reached out, too, They gave me a makeover during Study Hall.  Maybe it was just that I was the only one who would let them, I really don't know.  When they finished and held up the mirror, I expected to look ridiculous.  I thought the whole thing was a set up, a means to humiliate me, but it wasn't.  They even offered to give me some of their make-up that they didn't want anymore. (I suspect knowledge of my family's poverty had more to do with it, but they wanted to protect my pride.)  One girl offered me clothes she didn't wear any more.  I declined the offers - I just knew it was a trap.  When I wore the offered cosmetics and clothing, they would make sure they entire school knew I was a rag picker.

Why did I feel that way?  When the teacher left the music classroom and the bullies pushed me into a corner, going through my purse and making fun of the contents, or just making fun of the purse itself...  No one spoke up.  A couple dozen kids let them do it.  To me, that said I deserved it.  That said we hate you just as much as those guys do.  That said I was loathed by the entire student body.

My period as the victim was only a year or two, but at the time it was forever.  All those kids who I know now did not hate me...  I just want to apologize to every one of them.  I want to tell them I understand why they didn't act.  But at the time, their loathing of me was a fact.  

So, boys and girls, the next time you see a classmate being pushed around, realize how your silence is perceived.  Realize that, in their eyes, you are either cheering the bullies on or - maybe worse - you don't care either way.  Even if you don't have the courage to confront the bully on their behalf (the best course), the least you can do is a kind word when no one is looking.

Why didn't I stand up for myself?  No one else stood up for me, at a time in my life when the opinions of your peers is crucial, so maybe I thought I deserved it.  (Well, I did eventually stand up for myself.  I like to think the small kindnesses mentioned above helped me to do so.)  Why didn't I just stop being *insert adjective*?  It's easy to blame the victim, maybe even part of human nature, so don't beat yourself up too much if you've done it.  A lot of the things kids get bullied over are beyond their control.  I couldn't make my mother get off Welfare, I wasn't allowed to do "normal" things, and I sure couldn't stop doing things I didn't know were "wrong".

So, you other kids, I give you life from the perspective of at least one bullying victim.  It's not enough to not bully.  It's not enough to feel sorry for them.  You have to act, even if all you do is plead with them not to blab the fact that they don't hate you.

Shipping

For those among my hordes of readers who are unfamiliar with the terminology:  Fandom = the group of people who are fans of something (IE Trekkies/Trekkers are the Star Trek fandom)  Shipping = wanting/hoping/wishing a couple are or will be a couple.  (IE Some folks ship Spock and Kirk)

Now to my rant.  I shipped Hermione and Viktor.  I really didn't want her to end up with Ron or Harry.  I liked the platonic three-way they had going on.  Rowling, however, had other plans (obviously).  She arranged for them to end up family.  I'm bummed, but I get it, both as a fan (the canon relationships suit them) and as a writer (sometimes them characters just do what they want).  I can imagine an alternate Harry Potter universe wherein my vision came to pass, but I should also accept that in the "real" world, Hermione married Ron.

I saw a comment tonight on Facebook that - well, I'll paraphrase and use my own example.  "I loathe Ron with Hermione.  They make no sense as a couple.  Hermione belongs with Viktor."  Except this person didn't even name a canon character - "Hermione belongs with" a character...  from the comment writer's fan fiction...  

This goes way beyond playing "what if" and completely leaves the fandom in my opinion.  I did not ship Mulder and Scully.  I did not ship Xena and Gabrielle.  I did not ship Kaylee and Simon.  But guess what?  The creators of the universes in which those characters live put a lot of thought and work into making those relationships real to fans.

I imagine, if my own stories were ever part of pop culture, how I would feel in this situation. Did I fail to make it real to my readers?  Of course, I'd have to laugh at the idea of my using someone else's fan fiction character - not even sure how that's supposed to happen. How can you even call yourself a fan of mine if you hate what I've done?