The third stimulus check.
Speaking for myself, this money is not even the point. Had they said SSDI recipients don't qualify, I would have been okay. I keep a careful budget and I've had no major unexpected expenses. But they did tell me I was getting it, that I mattered, that I was important enough to be included. So I am waiting. We are waiting.
Whether it was an accident, or malice, we are still waiting. We matter less to those in power than their own reputations. They've made it quite clear. They'd rather sully the names of those they're supposed to be working with than see to it we get that money. We've been told "soon". We've been told "possibly by the end of March". We have not been told anything with certainty and we've certainly gotten no apology.
Again, I am speaking only for myself. My demon (Depression with a dash of anxiety and a side of paranoia) has been and remains quite vocal about how little I matter to the world. Reminding myself of those I do matter to - friends and family - only sets me to wondering if they are being dragged down by loving me. If they matter less because of me.
In short, this situation makes me fear a major depressive episode is coming. I manage my life using tools learned in years of therapy and my own research into the matter. What I know is often quite different from what I feel. I know I matter. But lately I'm not feeling it. Every day, when I check my balance and then the news, I am reminded that no one in Washington cares about some crazy broad in Ohio who feels betrayed. They care about themselves, their reputations, their own bank balances. I don't matter to them.
Right now, my home is in need of a good cleaning and I could use a bath. I'm forcing myself to get out of bed each morning. I haven't the emotional energy to do more than that. I'm hoping that writing this, that sharing my struggles, will remind me that I'm not alone. There's a whole world out there of people who don't matter to the politicians.
The politicians would also be well served to remember us. We are old or crippled or both, but we are not and never were useless. We matter. We vote. I can't speak for all of us, but I have made a note of exactly who took action for my benefit, and I will remember it come election day. If these people were appointed, I'll remember who appointed them. And if they luck out and I drop dead before then, those people I do matter to... will remember.
