I Confess - I Don't Deserve Motherhood

Another tragic baby death in the news.  Another wave of judgement on the parents, who are already suffering the worst fate I can imagine.  But I guess now I know why God, or the Fates, or whoever you want to blame, denied me the one thing I wanted most out of life.

I'm not worthy of motherhood.  I've lost track of children in public places, which makes it very possible that one could have fallen into the Gorilla Enclosure.  I've forgotten the baby in the car because I wasn't used to having a baby in the car or because my mind was otherwise occupied.  It truly is a miracle that the dozens of children I helped raise lived to puberty.

How did Josh survive those repeated vacations with me?  What were his parents thinking, to allow him to travel farther than fifteen yards with such a terrible caretaker?  And then - horrors - Josh allowed his child to fly cross-country in my care!  Well, the grandparents went, too, but...   you know, the same folks who let Josh travel with me...  

My minions "know better" than to wander off.   But they still did and they still do.  I worry about children who don't simply forget the rules in exploring the wonders around them.  By the time they hit double digits, my minions know what to do if lost - or if grabbed.  Yes, I teach them of the dangers.  These things, apparently, render me unsuitable for parenthood.

As for the car, I guess my minions have been lucky that I had other people around to call me on my negligence.  The toddler who interrupted me (even though she knew better) to remind me about the baby - she saved Baby Sister from being MURDERED.  

I'm stunned that my flouting of gender roles for children hasn't resulted in a Pride Parade at family reunions.  And don't even get me started on the heinous crime of letting them have dirty faces or mismatched clothes.  But, thank the Higher Powers, my baby-forgetting and child-losing uterus produced nothing larger than that damn fibroid.  

Appropriation or Appreciation?

We hear so much about Cultural Appropriation like it's a bad thing.  Appropriate can mean steal or usurp, but it can also mean borrow or adopt.  Borrowing and adopting come from appreciation.  The Great American Melting Pot is and was all about appropriation - we borrow ideas from one another. The whites came here from Europe and took some ideas from the folks that already lived here.  Those folks took some ideas from the Europeans.  Corn for metal tools, maybe, or booze for tobacco. Italian immigrants traded recipes with their German neighbors.  

My own lineage is mostly German and Irish.  I have a friend who is Sioux.  Are we not allowed to celebrate Christmas because it's largely based on Mediterranean traditions?  Of course we can - we appropriated it because we appreciated it.  The Mother Earth/Father Sky motif reflects my beliefs much more accurately than anything else.  Ethnic foods are just plain yummy.  I am not victimizing anyone by braiding my hair.  No one is being hurt because my names are (in order of appearance) Latin, French, and German.  

That's not to say it's never a problem.  Plagiarism is a form of appropriation and the only people that approve of it are the plagiarists.  Eminent Domain is appropriation, but every time a government uses it, there is an outcry.  But it's hardly the problem it's made out to be.

A white dude that wears dreadlocks is not appropriating black culture.  Many European cultures (and some native to the Americas) wore similar styles or maybe he just appreciates the look.  There are legitimate reasons why a non-Asian might wear a kimono.  

Most Americans, regardless of race or religion, start the day with a cup of coffee.  Coffee was invented by Arabs and adopted by Europeans.  Sometimes they have grits, made from corn and borrowed from the natives of North America, for breakfast.  If they eat spaghetti or pizza, they're appreciating Italian food.  Maybe they have popcorn in the evening (see previous mentions of corn) for a snack.  

Think for a moment of all the things you enjoy that came from a different place than your DNA. Those things were all appropriated, borrowed, adopted...  because they were appreciated.  Some of the things others enjoy were benignly filched from your ancestors.  And that's okay.  No harm, no foul.  Usually.