Colorblind

Yet another wave of racial unrest brings with it a lot of bewildered white folks.  I'm going to toss out a few of the things I've learned as a rural white girl living in a racially divided world.  I hope it helps someone.  I don't care what color the someone it helps might be. 

We can't be "colorblind", as so many of us would like to believe we are.  To ignore a person's race is as much a disservice as ignoring their sex or religion.  I'm a white, formerly Catholic, female.  All of those things have shaped my life and my person.  My friends and family of color are not going to understand any uniquely white facets.  My male friends and family aren't going to understand being a girl.  My friends and family of other faiths...  well, you get the idea. 

Every day brings us situations we see differently based on our race.  (Other factors, too, but we are focusing on the race thing today.)  A clerk in the store is rude, I assume it's because of my Food Stamp card, but the black man behind me is likely to assume that clerk is a racist.  Probably the clerk is having a bad day, or is just a big jerk, but that doesn't change our perceptions and we have valid reasons for our perceptions.  

Saying "get to work, slaves" to your co-workers is not a good idea if any of them are black.  Calling an adult male "boy" as a simple synonym for male?  Again, not a good idea with blacks involved.  Putting a Barbie head on your car antenna as a "here's the car" signal?  Make sure she has the same skin color you do...     All of these are things I did back in my Colorblind days.  I was hurt by the reactions.  In the case of the Barbie head, the hurt would have been physical if not for a nearby security guy!  

For my fellow white folks who want to be not-a-racist, I suggest doing what I did.  Find someone of color, someone you have mutual respect with, and talk to them.  Both parties should do his or her best to remain calm, keep in mind the end goal, and take breaks if needed.  This is not an easy project.  

Avoid those who are too angry to reason with.   

Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes.  How would I feel if women (since I'm one of those) were routinely killed for resisting arrest?  How would I feel if I couldn't walk down the street without someone screaming "Go back to Europe" at me?  This little game can work for other marginalized groups as well...  how would it be if straights were called perverts for holding hands in the supermarket?  

Anyway, being "colorblind" is not a good thing.  Color should be noted, right along with any other applicable demographics.  I'm going to overstep a bit here and suggest that all of us, no matter what color we are, should make it policy to avoid letting color anger us.  We all need to focus on the things we have in common, and on seeing our fellow humans as the individuals they are.

Tammy

I generally try to avoid using names in my blog and this one's gonna ramble.  But bear with me, please.

At the end of March, my niece was hospitalized.  Her thigh was swelling to the point of stretching the skin, maybe splitting the skin, I'm not sure.  Her recurring back pain was unbearable.  This is the last time any of the family saw her, because of COVID-19, excepting a brief visit her husband managed to talk them into allowing.  Tests were run and a diagnosis of cancer given, in the lymph nodes, a few internal organs, and her spine.  We don't have a specific prognosis.  We just have a woman in her early thirties, in hospice care.

Tammy has two children.  She has a mother, a sister, a husband, and friends coming out of the woodwork.  She has a huge extended family of aunts and uncles and cousins.  She isn't perfect, of course, being a mere human.  None of us are.

Tammy and her sister spent pretty much every weekend at my place, from the time they were in diapers until adulthood.   We rose on Saturday morning and took my grandmother to the grocery, where she would fuss over and spoil them as great-grandmothers do.  Often there was another cousin or two in our group.  Once we had Mamma back home and we failed to sneak out without her forcing gas money on us, we hit the public library and then to a cousin's house.  That was Saturday.  We aren't so close now as we were then.  As we each grew into the woman she is today, our interests diverged and we drifted apart as people do.

I'm not mad about the COVID-19 rules, even if I think they should be bent for Tammy's situation.  I understand all that "needs of the many" stuff.  I have friends and family of every stripe appealing to whatever higher power they believe in.  Barring an outright miracle, those prayers and vibes might only be giving us comfort, but I'll take it. 

Anything that can do this to a woman who just wants to feed her kids and play in the rain should not exist.  I'm so angry on her behalf and hurting on my own.  My Brown-Eyed Girl is slipping away and there's nothing I can do.  Except be there for the rest of us and that feels like so little.

It's Not That Simple

Another blog about the pandemic.  It's funny that I'm the one to say this, since I'm usually the one boiling things down to basics, but:

1."It's just another flu."  No, it isn't.  The mere fact that it has been declared a pandemic is proof of that.  Even if the symptoms and death rates are similar, there's the sheer number of patients.  The CDC and WHO know a lot more about these things than we do, whether you believe they are in on a conspiracy or not.

2. "They're taking our rights!  It's a ploy to take them forever!"  This is logical on the surface.  Yes, our right to assemble appears to be gone.  But is it?  The Non-Aggression Principle adhered to by those anarchists with brains tells us that our rights are void if they cause harm to others.  Gathering in large groups is potentially harmful to ourselves and others during any viral outbreak.

There is also no evidence to support the permanent removal of said rights.  For every Nazi Germany that started by using fear to trick citizens into compliance, there's a Spanish Flu that used these measures temporarily.  I also can't recall Hitler using an actual pandemic to start his purge.  He used nationalism.

3. "It's (insert group with initals for a name)  trying to wipe out their enemies."  Even if this thing was created in a lab, which I doubt, there is no logic to any of these groups killing large numbers of their own people.  COVID-19 isn't checking your political or religious affiliations before hopping right into your system.

4. "Any one who catches it is as good as dead."  Um, no.  Lots of people get it and recover.  Lots of people don't even feel sick when they have it.  The death rate is actually lower than some forms of influenza.  Again, the problem here is the sheer numbers of people infected.

5. "The economy" vs "Karen".  To simply reopen would create a surge in COVID-19 cases.  To remain in complete lockdown is going to create a different surge. Cabin Fever is the common term for a very real psychological  event. We're already seeing a rise in reports of suicide and domestic abuse.  If we wait COVID-19 out, we allow the ecomony to completely fail.  Unemployment and homelessness are leading triggers for suicide and domestic violence.  A pandemic in a capitalist world, populated by social creatures like humans, is a textbook example of "damned if you do, damned if you don't".

6. "Reopening in stages is stupid." The medical community has had time to prepare and the smaller waves which result from each stage can be dealt with.  Our hospitals shouldn't be overwhelmed.  Those of us with mental health issues can see an end to the torment.  Abusers can storm out of the house instead of beating their partners and children.   People can get back to work.  Death is inevitable.  We just get to choose, or try to choose, what form it might take and when it might happen. 

Also, if you don't like the steps taken by our elected officials, remember.  Come Election Day, do your civil duty.  Take your country back.  Just not with AK-47s.  That's excessive.