Bugs

It seems that every day I see at least one post on my social media about "This place has bugs!  Don't go there!"  I'm actually a little jealous of the ignorance of those posting such things.  Yes, it is possible that the place has an infestation, but there is no need to engage in possible slander and/or libel, especially if the situation has been handled.  Restaurants in particular go through periodic inspections and any sign of infestation is dealt with ASAP or the Board of Health will close them down.

I can't tell you how many times I've been told not to eat "there" because someone saw a roach there once.  Never mind the excellent reports the Board of Health gives the place, the apparent cleanliness, and the fact that I personally have seen no evidence of critters.  Never mind that the manager of the place either was not informed or dealt with the situation appropriately.  Just don't eat there ever because someone may or may not have seen a roach there.

A roach can climb into the bag of a schoolchild, ride to school in comfort, crawl out later.  From there, it gets into someone else's bag.  That person stops at the store on the way home, the roach crawls across the floor, up a cart, and into yet another bag.  Shopper stops at a local diner for a quick bite and the roach is now in a restaurant.  Probably gonna die soon, though, because public buildings and businesses use pest control.  That bug was in a home, a school, a grocery, and a restaurant - all in one day.  They get around, is what I'm saying.  All insects do.

Then there's the question of identification.  I was once shown a "bed bug" that looked nothing like a bed bug.  The person who identified this horribly deformed bed bug proceeded to tell anyone who would listen all about it.  Don't go there, she said, they got bed bugs. Even after the place was cleared by pest control professionals.  (I'm pretty sure the bug in question was actually a mayfly.)

Oh, and every red bump that appears on you after being in a public place isn't a bed bug bite.

Fraud is always fun.  I could use a stock photo of some sort of vermin and claim I took it in my hotel room (the white background is the sheet or wall).  I could falsely claim the management laughed in my face when I showed them the horrible infestation.  I could go all over social media making these claims and even people who do not know me, who have never even heard of me, are telling folks about the Hotel Filth.

I have no doubt many of those sharing these things have good intent.  Just please, everyone, stop and think before you hit share.  Are you sure this isn't an over-reaction?  A mistake?  An outright lie?  You could be ruining someones reputation, even their livelihood.  What if the accuser was talking about your workplace, your school, your home?

Invisible Issues

I saw an article - if you could call it that - titled something like "Five Things I Do When People Say I Don't Look Sick".  I don't know if it was meant to be funny or if this writer was legitimately complaining, but the thing made me angry on behalf of those who say "you don't look sick".  The things this writer does when people say that?  Eye roll, heavy sigh, etc.

If someone is honestly surprised to find out I'm ill, that's a compliment.  It means I'm doing a good job of coping.  An appropriate response would be "Thank you."  Not an eye roll.  Not a heavy sigh.  Not an etc.

I have actually had the following exchange: "Why are you on Disability?"  "I'm crazy." "You don't look crazy."  My response was not to get mad at him, but to chuckle and make a joke.  Something about leaving my straitjacket at home. My lack of eye rolls and heavy sighs led to a respectful discussion of Dysthymia.

Granted, my use of the word crazy is hyperbole.  It's a throwback to the early days of my diagnosis, when mental illness still carried a huge stigma.  I dealt with the stigma through hyperbole and humor.  One job I had, my co-workers nicknamed me the Psycho Dish Lady.  (I was a dishwasher.)  They also felt comfortable coming to me with questions about mental health issues.

Yes, sometimes people are attacking when they say "you don't look sick" or "you don't look disabled".  I'm not claiming that never happens.  But ignorance is not malice. If I get mad or even just annoyed, I'm closing down lines of communication.  This can be a teaching moment, if I  handle it well.

When dealing with the ignorant - and we're all ignorant about something - the worst course of action is to put them on the defense.  Even the jerks can be reached if handled well.

This doesn't just apply here, either, but in any area.  I've been called a racist because I said or did something in ignorance.  I've been called a homophobe for joking with my gay friends. I've even been asked to sign a petition banning a T-shirt that I owned.   Those who assume the worst about me, especially repeatedly, are no longer in my life.  And it's their loss.

Eye rolls, heavy sighs, etc, are counterproductive.  All they do is insult the well-intentioned.  Kindness and humor work a lot better and open the lines of communication.   The writer of this piece isn't helping any one's situation.