Invisible Issues

I saw an article - if you could call it that - titled something like "Five Things I Do When People Say I Don't Look Sick".  I don't know if it was meant to be funny or if this writer was legitimately complaining, but the thing made me angry on behalf of those who say "you don't look sick".  The things this writer does when people say that?  Eye roll, heavy sigh, etc.

If someone is honestly surprised to find out I'm ill, that's a compliment.  It means I'm doing a good job of coping.  An appropriate response would be "Thank you."  Not an eye roll.  Not a heavy sigh.  Not an etc.

I have actually had the following exchange: "Why are you on Disability?"  "I'm crazy." "You don't look crazy."  My response was not to get mad at him, but to chuckle and make a joke.  Something about leaving my straitjacket at home. My lack of eye rolls and heavy sighs led to a respectful discussion of Dysthymia.

Granted, my use of the word crazy is hyperbole.  It's a throwback to the early days of my diagnosis, when mental illness still carried a huge stigma.  I dealt with the stigma through hyperbole and humor.  One job I had, my co-workers nicknamed me the Psycho Dish Lady.  (I was a dishwasher.)  They also felt comfortable coming to me with questions about mental health issues.

Yes, sometimes people are attacking when they say "you don't look sick" or "you don't look disabled".  I'm not claiming that never happens.  But ignorance is not malice. If I get mad or even just annoyed, I'm closing down lines of communication.  This can be a teaching moment, if I  handle it well.

When dealing with the ignorant - and we're all ignorant about something - the worst course of action is to put them on the defense.  Even the jerks can be reached if handled well.

This doesn't just apply here, either, but in any area.  I've been called a racist because I said or did something in ignorance.  I've been called a homophobe for joking with my gay friends. I've even been asked to sign a petition banning a T-shirt that I owned.   Those who assume the worst about me, especially repeatedly, are no longer in my life.  And it's their loss.

Eye rolls, heavy sighs, etc, are counterproductive.  All they do is insult the well-intentioned.  Kindness and humor work a lot better and open the lines of communication.   The writer of this piece isn't helping any one's situation.