Colorblind

Yet another wave of racial unrest brings with it a lot of bewildered white folks.  I'm going to toss out a few of the things I've learned as a rural white girl living in a racially divided world.  I hope it helps someone.  I don't care what color the someone it helps might be. 

We can't be "colorblind", as so many of us would like to believe we are.  To ignore a person's race is as much a disservice as ignoring their sex or religion.  I'm a white, formerly Catholic, female.  All of those things have shaped my life and my person.  My friends and family of color are not going to understand any uniquely white facets.  My male friends and family aren't going to understand being a girl.  My friends and family of other faiths...  well, you get the idea. 

Every day brings us situations we see differently based on our race.  (Other factors, too, but we are focusing on the race thing today.)  A clerk in the store is rude, I assume it's because of my Food Stamp card, but the black man behind me is likely to assume that clerk is a racist.  Probably the clerk is having a bad day, or is just a big jerk, but that doesn't change our perceptions and we have valid reasons for our perceptions.  

Saying "get to work, slaves" to your co-workers is not a good idea if any of them are black.  Calling an adult male "boy" as a simple synonym for male?  Again, not a good idea with blacks involved.  Putting a Barbie head on your car antenna as a "here's the car" signal?  Make sure she has the same skin color you do...     All of these are things I did back in my Colorblind days.  I was hurt by the reactions.  In the case of the Barbie head, the hurt would have been physical if not for a nearby security guy!  

For my fellow white folks who want to be not-a-racist, I suggest doing what I did.  Find someone of color, someone you have mutual respect with, and talk to them.  Both parties should do his or her best to remain calm, keep in mind the end goal, and take breaks if needed.  This is not an easy project.  

Avoid those who are too angry to reason with.   

Try to put yourself in the other person's shoes.  How would I feel if women (since I'm one of those) were routinely killed for resisting arrest?  How would I feel if I couldn't walk down the street without someone screaming "Go back to Europe" at me?  This little game can work for other marginalized groups as well...  how would it be if straights were called perverts for holding hands in the supermarket?  

Anyway, being "colorblind" is not a good thing.  Color should be noted, right along with any other applicable demographics.  I'm going to overstep a bit here and suggest that all of us, no matter what color we are, should make it policy to avoid letting color anger us.  We all need to focus on the things we have in common, and on seeing our fellow humans as the individuals they are.

Tammy

I generally try to avoid using names in my blog and this one's gonna ramble.  But bear with me, please.

At the end of March, my niece was hospitalized.  Her thigh was swelling to the point of stretching the skin, maybe splitting the skin, I'm not sure.  Her recurring back pain was unbearable.  This is the last time any of the family saw her, because of COVID-19, excepting a brief visit her husband managed to talk them into allowing.  Tests were run and a diagnosis of cancer given, in the lymph nodes, a few internal organs, and her spine.  We don't have a specific prognosis.  We just have a woman in her early thirties, in hospice care.

Tammy has two children.  She has a mother, a sister, a husband, and friends coming out of the woodwork.  She has a huge extended family of aunts and uncles and cousins.  She isn't perfect, of course, being a mere human.  None of us are.

Tammy and her sister spent pretty much every weekend at my place, from the time they were in diapers until adulthood.   We rose on Saturday morning and took my grandmother to the grocery, where she would fuss over and spoil them as great-grandmothers do.  Often there was another cousin or two in our group.  Once we had Mamma back home and we failed to sneak out without her forcing gas money on us, we hit the public library and then to a cousin's house.  That was Saturday.  We aren't so close now as we were then.  As we each grew into the woman she is today, our interests diverged and we drifted apart as people do.

I'm not mad about the COVID-19 rules, even if I think they should be bent for Tammy's situation.  I understand all that "needs of the many" stuff.  I have friends and family of every stripe appealing to whatever higher power they believe in.  Barring an outright miracle, those prayers and vibes might only be giving us comfort, but I'll take it. 

Anything that can do this to a woman who just wants to feed her kids and play in the rain should not exist.  I'm so angry on her behalf and hurting on my own.  My Brown-Eyed Girl is slipping away and there's nothing I can do.  Except be there for the rest of us and that feels like so little.

It's Not That Simple

Another blog about the pandemic.  It's funny that I'm the one to say this, since I'm usually the one boiling things down to basics, but:

1."It's just another flu."  No, it isn't.  The mere fact that it has been declared a pandemic is proof of that.  Even if the symptoms and death rates are similar, there's the sheer number of patients.  The CDC and WHO know a lot more about these things than we do, whether you believe they are in on a conspiracy or not.

2. "They're taking our rights!  It's a ploy to take them forever!"  This is logical on the surface.  Yes, our right to assemble appears to be gone.  But is it?  The Non-Aggression Principle adhered to by those anarchists with brains tells us that our rights are void if they cause harm to others.  Gathering in large groups is potentially harmful to ourselves and others during any viral outbreak.

There is also no evidence to support the permanent removal of said rights.  For every Nazi Germany that started by using fear to trick citizens into compliance, there's a Spanish Flu that used these measures temporarily.  I also can't recall Hitler using an actual pandemic to start his purge.  He used nationalism.

3. "It's (insert group with initals for a name)  trying to wipe out their enemies."  Even if this thing was created in a lab, which I doubt, there is no logic to any of these groups killing large numbers of their own people.  COVID-19 isn't checking your political or religious affiliations before hopping right into your system.

4. "Any one who catches it is as good as dead."  Um, no.  Lots of people get it and recover.  Lots of people don't even feel sick when they have it.  The death rate is actually lower than some forms of influenza.  Again, the problem here is the sheer numbers of people infected.

5. "The economy" vs "Karen".  To simply reopen would create a surge in COVID-19 cases.  To remain in complete lockdown is going to create a different surge. Cabin Fever is the common term for a very real psychological  event. We're already seeing a rise in reports of suicide and domestic abuse.  If we wait COVID-19 out, we allow the ecomony to completely fail.  Unemployment and homelessness are leading triggers for suicide and domestic violence.  A pandemic in a capitalist world, populated by social creatures like humans, is a textbook example of "damned if you do, damned if you don't".

6. "Reopening in stages is stupid." The medical community has had time to prepare and the smaller waves which result from each stage can be dealt with.  Our hospitals shouldn't be overwhelmed.  Those of us with mental health issues can see an end to the torment.  Abusers can storm out of the house instead of beating their partners and children.   People can get back to work.  Death is inevitable.  We just get to choose, or try to choose, what form it might take and when it might happen. 

Also, if you don't like the steps taken by our elected officials, remember.  Come Election Day, do your civil duty.  Take your country back.  Just not with AK-47s.  That's excessive.

Stay At Home

I'm seeing a lot of news stories about how so few Americans are staying at home during this pandemic. One story is using cell phone trackers and defining compliance as staying within a five mile radius of home.  Another is unclear on how the data is gathered, but seems to be defining it as staying on your own property.  I could go on, but these two examples are sufficient to make my point.

Very few of us are able to never leave their property.  We all have essential errands.  Essential workers usually drive farther that five miles to do their jobs.  Grocery store pick-up services are becoming very popular, but those using said services still need to go (often more than five miles) pick the stuff up.

My grocery and doctor are roughly 15 miles from home.  In opposite directions.  I'm definitely in violation according to most of these reports.  I go to the store twice a month and the doctor every three to six months, depending upon my test results.  Most of my other errands are within that five mile limit and I combine errands in the same area into a single trip.  That was my usual pattern long before COVID-19.

I'd rather find my own substitute for a 45 ounce Blue Bonnet than further burden the overworked and underpaid. If  my choice to shop for myself, even with precautions like a mask and wet-naps, makes me a horrible person, then I'll own it.

*
There's also the question of how your area defines the order.  A small family group was in the local park when I ran to the pharmacy.  A handful of boys on the basketball court were at least attempting to stay six feet apart, playing Horse.  A single teenager on a bicycle practiced dumb teenage stunts.  None of these people were in violation.   Yet, according to most of these news stories, every one of us is part of the problem.

*

When you see a news story like this, I urge you to think for a moment.  How is the study in question defining compliance?  How are they gathering the data?  Where are all these people going, if everywhere and everything is closed?

The same is true of stories about those who are arrested for not complying.  Regardless of your feelings about the entire situation, a man who was arrested "alone in the ocean" was actually charged with trespassing on a closed public beach.  A father who was cuffed "in front of his daughter" refused to identify himself to the police.  He had a right to do so, yes, but the fact of the matter is this:  He was not charged with anything to do with Social Distancing or Stay-At-Home.

Most of us are complying to the best of our ability, according to what our areas have ruled.  Most of the police and even politicians are not going full Hitler on us.  The newspapers are just reporting what sells.  If we fail to use the critical thinking skills we either evolved or had handed to us by some deity, that's our failing.

Social Isolation With The Demon, Part Two

I associate silence with anger.  It makes me very uncomfortable.  If you were to see me driving down the road, no one in my vehicle with me, I'm talking.  Usually working out my next blog post or some story point for my fiction, but talking instead of thinking.  There's an imaginary passenger asking questions and supplying feedback.  I informed my dolls today that I was running to the pharmacy and would be back soon.  None of that is new.

What is new is the lack of interaction with actual human beings.  I'm not social, but I am friendly.  The closest I've been to neighborly chit-chat was standing as far apart as possible in the elevator with Scooter Man and reminding myself not to lean in closer so I could hear him.   I've taken a few solitary walks to enjoy the coming of spring, but it just isn't the same alone.  One of my sisters and a good friend have offered to walk with me, practicing social distancing or wearing a mask, but neither of those conditions allows conversation.   Not when one of us is hard of hearing.

Usually, when cabin fever hits, I wander over to the local dollar store or fast food joint.  I chat with the workers, look at different walls, and it serves as a mental reset button.  But not now.

Besides essential trips to places like the pharmacy and grocery, I've not gone anywhere but my nephew's house.  I do laundry there and watch TWD when it's running new episodes.  I have charge of the flower bed there, a leftover from my long residence with them, and indulged in some weeding.  Both parents are essential workers and I'm immunocompromised.  They, the biggest source of comfort to me when feeling lonely, are practicing social distancing with me even inside their home.  For my own protection.  I know that.

But it still hurts when I go to the sink while he's unloading the dish drainer and he steps briskly away.  The usual trips to the garden store I'd be having with her have not happened.  The Boy hasn't terrorized Barbieville in a month.  Those are the things I am aching for.  The little things I simply cannot do, for my own protection and that of those around me.

Unrelated to the pandemic:  One of my minions was hospitalized and among the tests they did were cancer screenings.  I changed her diapers, I changed both her children's diapers, and I'm powerless to do anything for her or them.

There's a constant mumble from the cage in the corner of my mind.  My dreams are bad.  I cried last night because I couldn't glue the leg back on a giant plastic spider.  I'm still forcing myself to get out of bed, get fully dressed, and socialize online as I still can.  I'm not allowing The Demon to take over.  But it's getting harder.

I hope this is over soon.  Right now, we're looking at May.  Hoping for May.  Freaking praying for May.  Thank you, everyone, for all the help you have been to me and all the help I know you will be in the future.  We just gotta slog through and make it there!

Hugs to all.

Social Isolation With The Demon

Most of my routine has remained the same during the pandemic.  The biggest difference is that The Boy isn't coming over to torture my dolls and kill me 78 times in half an hour (Call of Duty).  I don't normally go out.  I do most of my socializing on-line. 

A lot of my friends are working from home.  They're spending the entire day in their jammies and, frankly, I'm jealous.  It's not that I want to binge watch my show in my nightshirt, it's that I wish I could trust myself to do so.  For me, it could indicate a depressive episode. 

My first thought is of a reformed alcoholic at a party, watching the others enjoy something he simply can't trust himself to do.  He knows that even stepping foot on that proverbial path is a very bad idea.  It's not a perfect analogy, but I think it's pretty close.  Addiction is a mental illness, after all.

I'm not sharing this to make y'all feel bad.  The thought just struck me when I was in a philosophic mood.  How many of my indulgences are something that others can't allow for themselves?  Anyway, everyone, stay safe as possible.  Make the best of things.  We'll get through this and maybe we'll be better for it. 

Coronavirus

Even though I totally support closing down the schools and canceling large gatherings, I feel the need to get up on my little soapbox about the levels of stupidity and greed I've seen.  I usually have faith in the human race but y'all are really testing me with the pandemic.

1) Educate yourselves.  What the food and health care industries call "universal procedures" is usually sufficient to keep any virus at bay. Wash your hands often.  Keep surfaces sanitary. Try not to touch your face - which is the hardest part in my opinion!  Viruses spread easily in large crowds - thus, the cancellations I mentioned earlier.  Learn the specific symptoms of COVID-19 so you don't panic at the sight of me sneezing.  (I have a head cold.) 

2) The store shelves are looking like something from TWD.  By all means, stock up on what you and yours will need for a few weeks if quarantine becomes necessary.  No one needs the entire paper products aisle.  No one needs enough disinfectant to fill a swimming pool.  Quarantine is not required unless you are infected, anyway.  Stocking up is a precaution.

3) DON'T BE GREEDY.  Taking advantage of others is bad enough when there isn't a crisis! I'm not a violent woman, but if someone offers to sell me a five dollar roll of toilet paper out of their van, I just might end up arrested for assault.  They'll be lucky if all they get is the sharp side of my tongue.  I have no sympathy for all of those "businessmen" who got "screwed over" when Amazon and eBay blocked the sale of those items. 

4) Stop with the conspiracy theories.  Nobody created COVID-19 in an attempt to overthrow any  goverment.  It's a new mutation of a viral strand that's always been around.  Viruses mutate - that's why they are so hard to eradicate.  Is it possible we're being manipulated into panic mode with malice intent?  Of course it is.  You know what keeps us from being manipulated?  See point 1. 

5) The golden rule applies, even more so in a crisis situation, and a pandemic is a crisis situation.  Be good to one another.  Share.  I don't have much to spare, but what I do have is free if you need it. Even when there's not a pandemic on.