Walk Up, Not Out

Like many well-intended people, I was sharing the "Walk Up" notion all over my social media, but some folks for whom I have respect have pointed out a few problems. 

Some of those against "Walk Up" claim there's no proven connection between school shootings and bullying.  There's no proven connection of ANYTHING and school shootings because there's never been a real study made of it.  However, even the shooters "proven" not to be bullied left behind evidence they felt bullied.  I was badly bullied in junior high and, had my mind already had a violent bent, I could have gone there and done that. The connection, although unproven, is possible. 

There's also the possibility of making a kid feel even more singled out than they already do.  Why are you falling all over yourself to be nice to me when yesterday you ignored my very existence or were overtly hostile to me?  Pity?  Fear? If I am violent, you just made yourself more of a target, and if not - well, you just insulted a harmless classmate.

And then there's the perception that this is a Blame The Victim thing.  Go befriend the guy who, yesterday, you were actively bullying?  WTF?  Why not just say it - the murdered students brought it on themselves.  (Look how they were dressed!)

Last of all, there is a small possibility that such overtures will make a dangerous kid latch onto you.  Another bit of anecdotal evidence:  I latched onto a guy because he was nice to me.  God only knows how bad it would have been a few years earlier, during the the worst of it.  As it was, he finally had to be really mean to me and then we talked it out.  But what would have happened, had I been violent?  When I found out he didn't want to marry me and live happily ever after, would I have killed him?

Here's my version of "Walk Up".  Just be a little bit nicer to everyone. As a former pariah, I can tell you - a smile and nod as you pass in the hallway goes a long way.  One of the kindest things a classmate did for me was to tell me she liked me -- and then ask me not to tell anyone because she didn't want to be bullied, also.   Strange but true. 

Even if the connection to bullying doesn't exist, a touch of kindness that singles out no one can't hurt.