I Can't Help It

I see so many people who claim they or their children "can't help it" because they are ill or disabled.  Yes, there are things we can't help. My own illness means I have a whispering demon in my head.  It used to be a shouting demon, but my medicine turns the volume down considerably, and I take steps to actively ignore it.

I've got other health problems, too...  I'm diabetic.  I have a lazy thyroid and too much fat in my blood.  I'm overweight.  But none of these gives me the right to disregard my fellow human beings.  Depression is, obviously, the worst of my illnesses.  Because of it, I often do - or want to do - things that compound the others.  I sometimes don't eat, or eat stuff I shouldn't.  I don't get enough exercise.  Checking my blood sugar is too much work.  On the surface, none of that seems like I'm hurting anyone but myself.  But what happens if I pass out or have a heart attack?

There are smaller issues, too.  My few responsibilities to others sometimes are not met.  These people are correct in calling me on it. To claim others should let me get away with slacking off because I "can't help it" is wrong. Just today, I cleaned the litter box and forgot to sweep up the scattered litter around it.  When I was reminded, I did it.  Sometimes, I'm so down I don't even want to bathe.  Should I walk around all stinky and expect everyone else to deal with it because I "can't help" it?

I do ask for help - my family and friends are known to take a cookie right out of my hand or remind me that I have to pick the boy up from school.  Some of them are more tactful than others, but that's okay.  There is no shame in admitting you need help.

There are, and will be, times that the problem gets out of control.  The goal is to minimize those times - so that when they come, others will not ignore my need for extra help or simply for patience.  I minimize those times by controlling my actions.

I see kids today getting away with murder (not literally) because they have one of those Alphabet Soup illnesses.  This is counter-productive.  These kids should be getting taught to work around and deal with the problem, not to hide behind it.  They need to learn how to ask for help, not how to demand subservience. The parents in question think they are helping, but they really aren't.  The real world is not going to accept the excuse.