I'm Scared

 I'm aggressively nonpartisan, as most of you know.  I've got loved ones all over the political spectrum and my feelings about most issues fall somewhere in the middle of the two-party divide.  I have a lot of faith in the checks and balances built into the fabric of our government.  I don't think the havoc currently being wrought is a permanent thing.  

But I'm scared.  I depend on SSDI, Medicare, and Medicaid.  My apartment is HUD.  Even a temporary hiccup in the system could destroy my world.  Large expenses are put off and the money socked away just in case.  Most of my family is willing and able to help me if needed.  But dammit I don't want to need their help.

I do not think Social Security or Medicare are in danger.  Too many politicians on all sides know that would be career suicide.  But what about Medicaid?  HUD?  We already have planes falling out of the sky because of slashes to FAA.  NPS is barely going to be able to keep parks open (and those generate a lot more money than they cost).  

I try to focus on the good, to look for the helpers (as Mr. Rogers suggests), but my demon is SO rattling her cage.  There is governmental resistance to the overreach by the current POTUS.  Even Americans who are okay with the rights of others being trampled will switch sides real quick when they or theirs is threatened.  We will get through this.  I just hope it's soon and with minimal harm to me and mine. Yeah, I'm selfish, sue me. 

Nomenclature

Recently, the National Parks announced that the name of Clingman's Dome would be officially changed to its Cherokee name.  Most of the signage and news articles refer to it as "Kuwohi (formerly Clingman's Dome)".  That's a good method of helping people adjust to the change.  I like that it nods to the name most of us know the peak as, while reminding us of the new/old name.  

It was hardly the first time a geographical feature reverted to a native name.  A mountain in Alaska was named Mt McKinley from 1917 to 2015.  Its native name, Denali, was reinstated by Barack Obama, for most of the same reasons and to much of the same objections.  

*One of the first things Donald Trump did upon starting his second term as POTUS was change Denali back to Mt McKinley.  (Most of his first term was spent trying to undo Obama's work, so I assume this is just more of the same.)  With an executive order, not a Nomenclature Committee. 

He also decided our southern shore sits on the Gulf of America.  It's been the Gulf of Mexico for at least 400 years.  The gulf is not the exclusive property of the USA and no other nation agreed to this change.  Judging by my Facebook feed, I'm not the only one who finds this laughable.  But I digress.*

Changing or giving an official name to a geological feature is not an action taken lightly.  Nomenclature is important.  There is a long and exhaustive procedure involved.  I'm okay with properly made changes.  That said, I am like most humans in that the names I've always known them as will remain in my brain.  

The Powers That Be can change the official name.  But this conversation will happen:  "I saw a bear up on Kuwohi."  "Where?"  "You know, Clingman's Dome."   As long as everyone involved knows what you mean, I don't see an issue.  

Introspection

 He was born in the summer of his 27th year...  

It's a classic lyric, but it really isn't so far from my truth.  I was in my late twenties when finally prescribed fluoxetine.  

Oh, there were times as a child that I acted out.  What I learned from that was: I was unimportant, if not an outright burden. Everything was my fault.  I started writing stories as a coping method, even if I may not have realized it at the time.  And I always loved to learn.  Used to sit in the front hall reading encyclopedias.  

As an adult, I did explore specific issues, if they were pointed out in a kindly manner and if my inner seas were relatively calm. I took a few little vacations in the psych ward.  I even asked about medication because I saw how well the others in my group therapy did with it, but my request was dismissed.  I did not ask again.

As I said, I was past the quarter-century mark when yet another episode occurred.  This time the doctor suggested medication.  Prozac was fairly new at the time, and controversial, but it was a godsend for me. I tell people it saved my life.

Pop Culture has gotten better with its presentation of the mentally ill - we're no longer just comic relief or bad guys - but they still seem to get wrong the struggle.  Commercials for antidepressants make it look like you pop a pill and instantly everything is fixed.  A show's very special episode handles the situation in an hour or less.  That ain't how it works. 

Even if a pill could instantly repair chemical imbalances and emotional damage, there's the outer world to consider.  To make another reference, there's an exchange in one of the Harry Potter books that makes my point:  "You were the one who told me to stand up to people!"  "Yes, but not to us."  

Finally, I could consistently apply the coping methods I'd picked up over the years and learn more.  But the patterns remained.  My family still spoke to me as they always had.  I went to college for an associate's degree, but my previous work history was, shall we say, spotty.  The longest I had kept a job was a couple years and I'd been fired often.  So I was still washing dishes and ringing up groceries. 

But I was growing out of my despair.  I learned to separate what I felt from what I knew.  I went low (or no) contact with those who refused to respect my journey and the woman I was becoming.  I embraced myself.  

Now I'm on Disability, but I'm still writing and you can even buy two of my books on Amazon.  Nine out of ten of my personalities manage to keep that tenth one caged.  (Yes, I know that's inaccurate and maybe insensitive to people with actual multiples.  But I find humor opens communication.)  

But I wake up dreading the day ahead.  Once I get up and moving, that passes, but it's a rough way to start every day.   I have bad dreams. My feelings are easily hurt.  I'm not cured.  The commercials are fibbing.  The very special episodes are oversimplifying.  

Now that I'm gotten all this off my chest, maybe I can sleep.  It's almost dawn.  Thanks for reading. 

Fifty Ways To Be A Woman

Okay, that number is way off.  Which direction depends on your definition of woman.  The hullabaloo at the recent Olympics got me thinking about this more deeply than I usually do.    I'm not sure of the details, but from what I gather, an athlete's hormone levels indicated male even though her body (genitals)  indicated female.  Myself, I think the Olympic committee knows their own standards and can make the call.  End of that discussion on my end. 

Typically, females have different hormone levels than males. We have different genes.  We also have different brain functions when under a brain scan.  And, of course, the private parts are not the same.  These are all sex (biological).  And there's the whole gender (social construct) question - what do we identify as?  

But it got me to thinking.  Intersex happens.  It is a rare event, but as we learn more and find new ways of defining sex, it could become simply unusual or possibly even commonplace.  Ignoring gender and focusing only on sex, even now we have cases of genetics not matching genitals and/or hormones and/or brain scans.  

Intersex people are traditionally those whose genes do not match the genitals, or those who have indeterminate genitals.  Suppose there is an as yet unknown biological aspect to transgenderism... the brain chemistry.  This would give us four biological ways to define the sex.  Maybe transgenders, to go back to an archaic and possibly insensitive term, are transsexual.  (Remember, we're defining sex and gender differently.)  

Most people go through life perfectly okay with the sex diagnosed at birth or before.  Finding out your hormones or genes don't match up can cause problems, privately and publicly.  Add to that the brain scan possibility.  Now... Imagine a person with female genes and female anatomy, but male hormones and male brain chemistry.  What is this person?  

I see news articles almost every day reporting a presumed male skeleton having female DNA, blowing notions about ancient societies out of the water, and this could bear on the future.  I'm not trying to push any sort of agenda, except possibly my usual DEATH TO GENDER ROLES.  

Of Hurricanes and Hatred

 I'm gonna start this by reminding my readers that I am aggressively nonpartisan.  I vote for those I feel are best qualified to do the job I want done, regardless of what letter appears behind their name in parentheses.  I vote for third party candidates when one meets my criteria and loathe the fact that we're brainwashed by the two-party system.  

That said... The very idea of a hurricane in the Smokies boggles the mind.  But Helene has taken out a huge chunk of western North Carolina and a good sized bit of Tennessee.  I honestly believe the Smokies saved the rest of eastern Tennessee.  To put it very simply, the hurricane bounced off them hills!  

My Facebook feed is full of Helpers.  It does my little black heart good, just like the plethora of food pantries during the pandemic.  Civilian groups, state and local agencies, even just Jim-Bob next door are pouring into the area from all over the country.  And even from outside the country! 

Dolly Parton donated money to the cause, and I wouldn't be surprised if she's out there in her civvies handing out food and water.  (It's not like we'd recognize her!)  Other celebrities have followed her lead, but as usual when people are in need, Dolly led the pack.  

But FEMA has dropped the ball, or at least fumbled it a little.  Internal agency issues, budgeting, and paperwork gets in the way of a quick response by any federal agency.  It simply doesn't matter at this point who shortchanged FEMA this time, because it's been getting ripped off as long as it has existed.  Disaster victims are less important than a pet special interest group.   

In all the news reports, in all the Facebook posts, I've seen nothing to support claims that FEMA isn't letting people in.  Because I've yet to see any vehicles that say FEMA on them.  If the National Guard units and local law enforcement are trying to stop you from getting in there, odds are that you simply are not qualified to do anything more than endanger yourself and others.  Go home, stay out of the way, and let them work.

This disaster is not the fault of FEMA, of any political party, and certainly not of any given individual.  The very idea of a "weather control device" defies the laws of physics.  Yes, it is possible to affect the weather by seeding clouds and such, but no one can drive a hurricane or tornado around like it's a 56 Buick.

And honestly, at this point, I'm looking sideways at those of you pointing the finger of blame.  I'm wondering if you'd leave some hillbilly stranded because he was or wasn't wearing a MAGA hat.  Shame on all of you.  

Not You

There's an idiosyncrasy among us humans that both amuses and annoys me.  I usually refer it it as "it's okay if my party does it" because the most egregious examples I see are among political partisans.  Don't vote for Bob because he did the same thing you excuse Bill doing.  But it's not just politics.  

I caught myself doing it the other day.  In my apartment complex, there are residents with non-working vehicles.  Said residents do nothing to fix or remove the vehicles, thus taking up parking spots better used by those of us with working vehicles.  I'm not talking broken down for a day or even a week, I'm talking months.  I could plant a crop on the van out there.   Yet even as I grumble and gripe, I make excuses for one of those residents.  Because I like him.  I don't like or know the others.  

I've been told anyone on government benefits is morally repulsive and then given a pass when I mention my own dependence on SSDI.  I was in a store yesterday and realized that, if I hadn't been standing there to see the cashier's efforts to fix the register (it was having a nervous breakdown over a check), I'd be grumbling like all the people in line behind me.  

We all do it, especially if we actively dislike the person in question.  I had a million examples in mind but, of course, most of them jumped out of my head as soon as I started typing.  I guess it's just human nature.  We have more compassion for those we know and/or like.  

Maybe it's a defense mechanism.  We simply are not capable of loving some stranger across the world as strongly as we do our friends and family.  Either way, it's been on my mind and I blogged about it because that's what I do.  

 

Thoughts on July Fourth

 Today is one of my favorite holidays, because it's about the ideals this country was founded on.  Not the nation as it is, fallen short of those ideals, but the nation as it could and should be.  The Great American Melting Pot.  The American Dream.  Also, we get to pig out and blow things up. 

I've got friends and family all over the political and religious spectrums.  Among us, Republicans sit down with Democrats and Independents and even those who choose not to vote at all.  The religious grab a drink for the atheist.  We focus on what we have in common instead of the differences.  Which is exactly what one of the aforementioned ideals is.  

I could go on and on about how Americans have failed The Founders, but not today.  Today is about what we can be if we chose to be.  Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.   E Pluribus Unum.  We The People.  All that jazz. 

Let's not dwell on negativity.  It's on us to protect and nurture that more perfect union that The Founders and countless others since have fought and even died for.  A place where people of diverse cultures can break bread and laugh together. Have your junk food and your boom-booms.  Embrace (literally or otherwise) someone the nay-sayers call your enemy.  

America's turned out to be more a stew than a melt, but when was the last time you saw a potato duking it out with a carrot?  Or even a hunk of meat?  Hmmm.... maybe we're a Mixing Pot instead of a Melting Pot?  

Anyway....  Enjoy the holiday.  I intend to.